Is there other women out there like me? Lonely for soo long, meaning years, but are married? Feeling stuck? Searching, searching for more? Aren't we allowed to have more? Having too many secrets? Never satisfied, and if so, just for such a short time? Who else fits into these shoes besides myself? I'm sure there are plenty of us. I am a housewife and a mom. I'm in the military reserves. The reserves is my escape. Even though I work when I am on orders, I so look forward to it just to get away. I know it sounds bad, but in my heart, it is so true. I am free when I am away. I can find companionship, and so much fun. Afterwards there used to be guilt, but not any more. I do not feel loved by him, (the spouse). We may sleep in the same bed, but there is a boarder there by me. 2 times a year we are joined. He is a good man, but I have to think of my children. They are my loves. I do this for them. I cannot support them on my own. 16 years is a long time. I am scared to be on my own. So many times I thought of divorse. 2 of my children are teens. Just when I thought I could escape, 1 of those 2 times a year, I happened to get pregnant. Now all hope is lost. Now with a toddler, it starts all over again. I'm in prison.